I have always defined myself as someone who shows creativity through doing art. Even as I sit in a park writing this I have beside me a shoulder bag containing pencil crayons, art paper, pencils, and watercolour paint. I keep heaving these things around, thinking that at some point I will sit down, pull them out, and revel in artistic outpourings.
But it is slowly dawning on me that this is not, in fact, something that I really want to do. This is hard to let go of, probably because it has somehow become part of the definition of "me",
the persona, that I have always presented to the world...along with "Arjenna is someone who likes going to art galleries" (it was with great surprise that I realized this past year how much I actually dislike going to art galleries).
We all have subconscious ideas that define us - some of these come from our hearts, some from our families, some from the past, some from a picture of who we think we should be or want to be.
Sometimes pinning things down gives us a sense of security, and yet...life is change - who we are and what we love is constantly in flux, and that's ok.
I keep thinking I love to draw, but actually...
I'd rather play with photos, and make websites.
And sometimes I don't. Sometimes my creativity is organizing closets. Sometimes it's cleaning, or giving somebody flowers.
And maybe there will be a day when I do want to draw again.
There are no shoulds with creativity. We all know this, but sometimes the shoulds creep in like silent ninjas.
What makes you feel alive today might be different tomorrow, and that very fluidity is what makes life beautiful and unexpected.
Keep your eyes and your heart open...who knows what will be created through you! It might not be what you were expecting.
* "and anyone who tells you different is selling you something!" (The Princess Bride)